Zane is 10 1/2 weeks old now. I cannot believe how fast he is growing and changing. It has been such a blessing to be home with him these past weeks. As I am preparing to start back to work in a little more than a week, I have been thinking back on our time at home and trying not to dwell on the time I will have to spend away from him. I have absolutely loved spending my days with him. Our mornings have been precious as Zane tends to be very happy and easy in the mornings. He smiles and plays with me for a good long while and then goes down for his nap pretty easily without much complaining. We have had a lot of fun going to lunch with friends some days. We've spent some lunches with Mimi- my mother-in-law, Marla. We have had the opportunity to spend some time with some of my friends who are stay-at-home moms with their kiddos and that has been wonderful. It is great to be around other young moms. I am blessed to have a ton of support with my friends and family! We have also been able to spend some time with my sister-in-law Tammy and her baby Noah since she has also been on maternity leave. Through it all, Zane has been so easygoing and ready to go. Of course, we have had our moments when he screamed and screamed in Target until we got in the car and he immediately crashed out, but I would expect no less. I would probably be cranky too if I woke up from a nap and I was in the middle of the clearance section at Target.
I am so glad I was able to take a full 12 weeks off with Zane. I have mixed feelings about returning to work. In a perfect world, I don't know that I would choose to stay home with my kids forever, but I do think I would stay home full time for the first year or so and then maybe go back part-time. But, this is not a perfect world and our current financial situation requires me to have a full time paycheck, so I go back to work the week of Thanksgiving. I am so sad to think that someone else will be sharing the mornings with Zane in a couple of weeks and I will miss so many smiles, but I hope that I will only appreciate those moments even more when they are fewer. I am also a little scared about releasing some of my control over how he spends his day. I may look pretty chill on the outside but on the inside, I am quite a control freak, so this really does terrify me. What if they don't put him down for a nap when I think he should go down? What if they can't get him to sleep? Naps are our biggest struggle right now, so that is probably why my fears are mostly nap related.
The other side of me is just a little bit excited to go back to work. I do love my job and it will be good to be that version of me again, if that makes sense. Being a mommy is amazing, but it will be kind of nice to have one part of my life back to "normal" again. I feel very out of the loop with my co-workers and my job and I am really wondering how my kiddos and families are doing. Being a parent changes everything, so I am sure that I will bring a new perspective to my work and hopefully, that will be a good thing. I know that working again with children with cancer will make me thank God every day for the health of my child and pray every day that he will continue to grow healthy in every way. It will also be nice to have all the unknowns about returning out of the way and to fall into our long-term routine, whatever that will look like. I am sure that Zane will adjust to daycare just fine, but it may take me a while to get used to it. I do think having Zane will motivate me to get out of the office more quickly at the end of the day! I can document tomorrow, I have a baby to take care of now!
One more week at home! So much to do and so many moments to relish and enjoy!
Sorry no pictures in this post, my computer is still broken so I only had a limited amount of time to post from Tommy's work laptop. Next post we will have some pictures of our first road trips (yes, plural!) as we are heading to Cisco tomorrow to help my brother Craig and his wife, Fallon, pack up their house to move. The weekend after that we will be driving all the way to Tulsa to meet our nephew, Foster, who will be born any day between now and Tuesday of next week. Whoo! I am pretty sure we are crazy to do two trips in two weekends, but we will likely be pros at traveling with Zane by the time we are through. Until then!